Year: 2024

DIY: How To Make Your Phone Explode (Almost Like a Hezbollah Device)!

Are you chalishing to mimic the effect of the booby-trapped Hezbollah pagers but lack those precious few grams of C4 explosive for the battery? Don’t worry, I can help you. That’s what I’m here for.

All you need to do is charge your phone using a USB port on Israeli public transportation with a simple wire (not a good quality charger!). Since the electricity travels in irregular bursts (“pulses”) this may cause your phone battery to expand, heat up, catch fire… and maybe even explode!

(Overheard from a phone technician.)

Disclaimer: No, please don’t do this.

Message by Some Ramat Shlomo Rabbis

Here is the recent rabbinic proclamation:

Let me summarize the points, some implicit, (plus plain conjecture) made in this wonderful rabbinic proclamation:

  1. We are a bunch of weaklings who can’t defend ourselves at all.
  2. Hey Arabs, you can read Hebrew. See Point One above! Maybe consider expanding thieving\marauding operations to other locations with frummie sitting ducks, eh?
  3. The esteemed rabbis oppose Jewish independence and all its works and deem the whole business completely unnecessary (although they don’t support replacing the state with private initiative, either), but we sure do call on the “authorities”, including on Shabbos, when in need.
  4. Sancheriv notwithstanding, Arabs=Yishmael. And they aren’t “Bnei Bris”.
  5. We don’t care about the Jews in border towns (Rabbi D. A. Morgenstern, one of the signees, supported and today still supports expelling the “Other” Jews from Aza) — unless they’re our Jews in our border towns, of course. Then we do care!
  6. Arabs “severely endanger” Jewish lives and Jewish property. Israeli soldiers and cops didn’t use to fear entering “Arab” neighborhoods (and guess who shares the blame for that change!). But Charedi politicians will always stay “neutral” (if not actively collaborationist) on all matters relating to the Arab enemy.
  7. The rabbis still think Israeli cops can be trusted to come save our hides, even after the scandalous events of Shmini Atzeres. (Self-defense? Perish the thought!)
  8. To save [Charedi!] lives, the rabbis will even sign together with Lubavitch types and rabbis who support interfaith meetings.
  9. Huh. I sure hope nothing (too) bad happened to Jews who hesitated to call the cops before this grand proclamation was published. Good thing the rabbis finally reached the halacha of “הנשאל מגונה”…