More Satire for Adar…

Government Eager to Get Back to Leaving Americans Alone

By  |April 14th, 2020 | Categories: Satire

(USA) — Government officials in Washington DC and across the country are looking forward to ending the national lockdown soon and returning to normal times, when Americans are allowed to go about their business without government direction or interference.

“This whole Coronavirus thing really forced us into a new role,” said one high official at the Centers for Disease Control. “We’re not used to telling our citizens what to do. It’s just not in our nature as bureaucrats.”

Added one state lieutenant-governor: “The idea of dictating whether people can leave their homes or open their businesses or go to church, even how close they can stand to each other and what they have to wear when outdoors … geesh… it’s not like we politicians were itching for untold decades to get this kind of power.”

“Yeah, it’ll be great to get back to the status quo,” said a relieved police chief, as his officers rounded up a group of old ladies assembling illegally in a church parking lot. “You know, when Americans barely knew government existed.”

From The Imaginative Conservative, here.

Eretz Yisrael: Come for the Ruchniyus, Stay for the Gashmiyus!

Returning Home

Yehuda A., M.D., Ramat Beit Shemesh

My father was not politically oriented one way or the other when it came to his attitude about modern developments in Eretz Yisroel; our family was one of bnei Torah originally from Poland, and that was what primarily defined us. My father – like many Jews in Toronto at that time, including my mother and her parents – was from Ostrovtza, and he had learned by Rav Meir Yechiel Halevi Halstock, the Ostrovtzer Rebbe, until he left with his family for Canada at the age of sixteen.

We were associated with a shul, Chevra Shas, which – as its name indicates – was centered around limud haTorah. The members of the shul would divide the shas between themselves, and make an annual siyum on the Ostrovtzer Rebbe’s yahrzeit, 19 Adar 1. I first joined in the effort when I was nine or ten years old, making my first siyum masechta together with my father. My father, who was a working man, would spend hours learning daily. My own involved learning schedule, including during my continuous medical practice and up until this very day, B”H, must have been influenced by his example.

As a young six-year-old boy growing up in Toronto in the early ’50s, I once asked my father what he had to say about Eretz Yisroel, i.e. the fact there is a Jewish country there with Jews living there. My father answered, “Without Israel, we would not be able to hold our heads up anywhere.” He recalled that some short years before, back in Poland, the goyim would denigratingly say, “Jew, go to Palestine!” The recent Holocaust caused a sense of humiliation for many Jews. The fact that there was now a Jewish country instilled a sense of pride in the average Jew, and at least a small dose of respect for the Jews in the average goy (at least back then…). This had nothing to do with one’s association with Zionism, the State, its government or policies.

When I got engaged to my first wife, a”h, in 1966, we considered moving to Eretz Yisroel. When my in-laws got wind of this, they became quite concerned, as it seemed to them a very impractical move. My in-laws had been there in 1949, and they remembered it as a very economically-backward place. My mother-in-law, tblc”t, was a survivor of Auschwitz, and my father-in-law had endured living in Siberia. In Eretz Yisroel they had lived in the ma’abarot (transit camps), and food was rationed – 3 eggs a week, and one piece of chicken for Shabbos. All of this must have influenced their opinion about living in Eretz Yisroel.

From about two years after we got married – this was shortly after the Six-Day War – we would travel to visit Eretz Yisroel almost every year for at least a week. On our first visit, I came to realize that even though I had lived all my life in Canada, Eretz Yisroel is our true home. Most of our daughters subsequently learned in seminary here, and some of our children lived here in Eretz Yisroel for a while as kollel families.

About seven years ago, we came for a two-week trip to look for land to buy, and to see if we could move here. I came to realize that such a move would be very hard for my wife, with all our kids back in America as well as her elderly mother, so I didn’t think it would be appropriate to try to convince her. When my wife passed away, I told my kids “im lo achshav eimasai (if not now, when)?” They convinced me to stay back in America for a bit, but after a year I decided it was time to move on and up.

On Pesach Sheni, the second chance for offering the korban Pesach, I got a second chance too. That’s the day, in 5777 (2017), that I landed in Eretz Yisroel with the official intent of living here. About a month after moving here, a shidduch was suggested, which turned out to be my second wife. We started out in Yerushalayim, in the Sanhedriya Murchevet neighborhood, as I was familiar with the neighborhood and its shuls etc. from previous visits.

With the advent of corona, we moved to Ramat Beit Shemesh. Bli ayin hara, Sanhedriya Murchevet is a neighborhood full of children; the stairwells and elevators can be quite full sometimes. We felt that for our health, a more spacious environment, such as was available to us in Ramat Beit Shemesh, would be better. Though we at first did not think it would be a permanent move, we came to appreciate the place and its nice and welcoming residents, and are now here for the long term, BE”H.

I am now living here almost five years, and enjoying every minute of it – actually, every nanosecond. Of course, this doesn’t diminish the fact that I miss my children; aside from about 2 years of corona, I have travelled abroad to participate in family simchas. My children do come to visit though, and some are contemplating moving here or at least buying a dira here. I have some grandchildren living and learning here, and was the sandak for one of my great-grandsons here. Every day I wake up with a smile and thank HaShem for my wonderful family, for living in His Holy Land, and for everything else He has given me.

People say that ruchniyus is better here; I say, also the gashmiyus is better here. People live here much more besimcha (with happiness), and have hana’ah (pleasure) living here. My wife and I make an effort to visit and enjoy every nook and cranny of HaShem’s Land that we can. It’s a Land where “tamid Einei HaShem Elokecha bah” – HaShem’s Eyes are always fixed upon it – you can’t get better than that! Here in Eretz Yisroel, I can more strongly feel and realize our collective yearning, ‘vesechezena eineinu beshuvecha leTziyon berachamim!’ May we understand and appreciate HaShem’s compassionate return to Tziyon!

Practicing in Advance

When I was fourteen years old, I took myself to task for not having yet learned the entire tanach, and so I decided to learn it one perek at a time. I would pronounce the words with the Sephardic havara (pronunciation), so that if I’d move to Eretz Yisroel, I would be able to communicate with the locals.

While here on visits in later years, I always made a point of practicing speaking Hebrew as much as I could. Every time I came, I became a bit more fluent.

Though I still don’t have the greatest command of the language, I am able to get across what I want to say. I participate in a Daf Yomi shiur given in Hebrew, and occasionally substitute for the magid shiur. I am also sometimes given the opportunity to say a shiur to an audience of Hebrew-speaking bnei Torah, politely attentive despite my noticeable lack of fluency.

Reprinted with permission from Avira D’Eretz Yisroel.

Advertising Kiryat Shmuel, Chaifa

Living the Dream

Yisroel Perlowitz, Kiryat Shmuel, Chaifa (Haifa)

I grew up in Lakewood, New Jersey.

My parents moved to Lakewood in the mid 80’s after they got married, and my siblings and I were raised in Lakewood as a part of the BMG yeshiva. My parents both worked, yet my father was (and still is) always with a sefer in his hand. We were the typical Lakewood Charedi working family.

My mother always had the dream of living in Eretz Yisroel, and instilled in us a true love for it, inspiring us to move there when we would have the ability to do so. Ever since I came to Eretz Yisroel as a bochur to learn in yeshiva, it became my dream, too. The idea of being surrounded by Yidden everywhere and feeling that I am among brothers (even the taxi drivers!) really appealed to me.

After getting married and living for seven years in Lakewood, it was time to realize the dream. We knew we wanted something different than the usual Yerushalayim or Ramat Beit Shemesh. Nefesh B’Nefesh’s Go North program, designed to encourage immigration directly to the northern part of the country, prompted us to explore possible options there. We did a bit of online research and found some information about Kiryat Shmuel; we saw that it could be relevant to us. After further research, which included contacting local residents, we decided on our move from Lakewood to Kiryat Shmuel.

We moved in November 2016, shortly after our oldest child had just started first grade. She went straight into first grade here too, and within four weeks was already speaking Hebrew! Our second child had a bit more difficulty with the language, so she was kept back an extra year at gan just to give her more time, so that she would be better equipped to succeed in first grade. The schools here are very warm and welcoming, and the teachers treated our kids a bit easier to ease their transition.

Kiryat Shmuel is one of the neighborhoods and cities that make up what is commonly known as the Krayot (lit. boroughs). Though it is a relatively small and self-contained community, it is under the municipal jurisdiction of the large northern coastal city of Haifa, and therefore enjoys amenities that may come with a large city such as municipal garbage cleanup, upkeep of the streets and other “city” advantages.

Within the neighborhood, there are several different schools serving the different segments of the population. There is a kosher mehadrin supermarket, walkable from most areas of the neighborhood, that caters to all the frum people with mehadrin hechsherim, and there’s a mehadrin pizza and ice-cream store in the neighborhood as well. There are also branches of the Osher Ad and Rami Levy supermarkets about a ten- to fifteen-minute drive away. It takes just a twenty-five-minute walk or a five-minute drive to get to the kosher separate beach.

The neighborhood is by and large Torah-observant, and as such is closed to traffic on Shabbos. The rav of Kiryat Shmuel for over six decades was Rav Akiva Hacarmi zt”l, a brother-in-law of Rav Mordechai Gifter zt”l (their wives were sisters). After his passing, two of his sons continue his legacy. One son heads the kollel and yeshiva, and another heads the Merkazi (Central) shul, with several hundred members and a dozen minyanim daily.

The neighborhood is made up of about sixty percent Dati (i.e., non-Chareidi religious), twenty percent Charedi – most of whom are Sephardic, ten percent Chabad and ten percent nominally observant. There are about thirty English-speaking families in the area (including an English-speaking doctor who immigrated from Brooklyn a few years ago), but they are all integrated into the larger community.

There are about thirty shuls that cater to the various groups; however, in all honesty, they are all mixed. It is really beautiful to see how everyone davens with everyone else. On Simchas Torah, the main Ashkenazi shul meets up with the Sephardic shul to dance together.

When our infant son was diagnosed with Menkes disease not long after we arrived (a story in and of itself), we personally felt the spirit of achdus that pervades Kiryat Shmuel. The community immediately sprang into action with an immense outpouring of heartful help. I got a phone call from one young adult community member that they would be available at all times to help us, with night-time hospital shifts and the like, and that we shouldn’t even think of financial remuneration.

Another thing we came to appreciate during the short life of our son a”h, is the high level of medical and social services offered here, on a par with anything we’d find back in the U.S. Within relative proximity to our community there is a frum educational facility for special-needs children which he was able to attend. The devotion of the staff is exceptional; a short time before he was niftar, the staff and their families basically fought over who would be privileged to host him while we went on a much-needed vacation.

With its universities and medical centers, the general Haifa area attracts many students, and is home to many medical students and professionals. Hi-tech is also very popular here. If you know Hebrew and have some type of tech background, you have quite a good chance of finding a job here. In my area there are some full-time kollel learners as well. I myself do computer work for an American company.

The wide range of housing that exists here – apartments, duplexes, and single-family homes, from 500K to two million shekels – is significantly cheaper than in the center of the country, and you also get much more for your money.

Yes – there are areas to live in outside of Ramat Beit Shemesh! It is a very beautiful country out here!

Connected

Kiryat Shmuel is located on the main train line with access to direct trains to Tel Aviv (under 90 minutes with the express trains), Beer Sheva, the airport, Modiin, Karmiel, and Nahariya. There is only one transfer needed to get to Yerushalayim.

In the pre-Corona days, there were trains at all hours of the day and night. They are now still very frequent, from the early morning hours until very late at night.

The Experts THEMSELVES ADMIT They Were Trying to Save Their Own Hides, NOT Public Health…

Here is Jeffrey Tucker’s summary, based on excerpts of a book by Jeremy Farrar (the UK’s equivalent of Dr. Fauci) detailing his experience with Corona from its genesis:

What strikes me most in retrospect concerning the idea of the lab leak is the following. During the most critical weeks leading up to the obvious spread of the virus all over the Northeast of the U.S., leading to incredible carnage in nursing homes due to egregious policies that failed to protect the vulnerable and even deliberately infected them, public health officials in the US and UK were consumed not with a proper health response but with fear of dealing with the probability that this virus was man-made in China.

They deliberated in secret. They used burner phones. They spoke only to their trusted colleagues. This went on for more than a month from late January 2020 to early March. Whether this virus originated as a lab leak or not in this case is not so much the issue; there is no question that Farrar, Collins, Fauci, and company all believed that it was likely and even probable, and they spent their time and energies plotting the spin. This fear consumed them entirely at the very moment when their job was to be thinking of the best public-health response.

The virus did what the virus does, and all we are left with are the breathtaking results of the pandemic response: economic carnage, cultural destruction, large amounts of unnecessary death, and an incredible paper trail of incompetence, fear, secrecy, plotting, and neglect of genuine health concerns.

Read the shocking account on the Brownstone Institute here…

‘But How Can Someone Hold Two Wholly-Unrelated Opinions, One True (but neutral) and ONE I HATE?!’

I have read the following syllogism, inscribed in earnest and sent abroad in search of mass consent. Aristotle himself would be proud:

  1. Rabbi Shmuel Eliyahu supports the Corona vaccine.
  2. Rabbi Shmuel Eliyahu accuses Chaim Walder (well, Rabbi Eliyahu isn’t alone… but let’s ignore that).
  3. Ergo, CW is probably innocent.

Q.E.D.

With crushing logic like this, I don’t suppose I stand a chance, but let me try to argue for the prosecution here.

You see, CW also supported the Corona vaccine, and I mean publicly.

Worse, Rabbi Eliyahu hasn’t stated an opinion one way or another on wearing masks (Note: this claim is unsupported in keeping with the honored custom of occasionally inserting unsupported claims in these sort of coolly-reasoned discussions), while CW has crudely propagandized for masking on behalf of the Health Ministry.

So, if anything… (vagueness is my friend here, so we’ll just stick with the ellipses.)

While your head spins, I now quote a recognized authority to appear smarter:

There is simple ignorance, which is the source of lighter offenses, and double ignorance, which is accompanied by a conceit of wisdom.

~ Aristotle 

 

There is simple ignorance, which is the source of lighter offenses, and double ignorance, which is accompanied by a conceit of wisdom. ~ Aristotle

 

Anyway, how am I doing so far (Quick note to graphics guy: we need that impressive, bearded image of Aristotle in here before this goes out to our subscribers. I hope you’re listening this time)…?