An Important Gemara for Those in Shidduchim

I love it.

For Parshat Shemot, it mentions a little-known fact about Miriam HaNeviah (the Prophetess):

In contrast to the majority of other saintly personalities throughout the Torah, Moshe Rabbeinu’s famous big sister was not so good-looking.

And that’s putting it lightly.​

Sotah 12a explains how Miriam was known by different names to reflect her unfortunate situation:

• Yeriot (curtains)—because her face was extremely pale like yeriot.

• Chelah (sickly)—because she was sickly.

• Azuvah (rejected, abandoned)—because “everyone abandoned her” due to not wanting to marry her because of her sickly, unattractive appearance (!!!)

It’s hard to believe after everything she did for Am Yisrael, no one wanted to marry her due to her sickly, unattractive self.

Such wholesale rejection implies severe unattractiveness (but Chazal is too nice to come right out & say it. But the implication is definitely there).

Also, think of the tremendous slap-in-the-face against the concept of positive middah-k’neged-middah (measure-for-measure) this must have seemed.

After all, since her young girlhood, Miriam HaNeviah embodied the concept of unswerving loyalty.

She stood by the continuation of Am Yisrael by encouraging the fruitfulness of Am Yisrael under the sick decree of Pharaoh against the newborn boys of Yisrael.

She stood by her baby brother as he floated down the Nile.

Later, she risked her life as Puah to stand by Am Yisrael as a dedicated midwife, saving life after life.

She never abandoned one Jew, even at risk to her own life.

​So how was it that she herself was abandoned & rejected to such an extreme?

Also, while sickly is never an asset, it used to be worse before modern technology.

With so much of the most basic domestic duties demanding intensive labor (getting a fire going, digging up vegetables & washing them without running water, hand-washing laundry, cooking, childbirth, nursing, childcare, etc.) that challenged a healthy woman, how could a sickly woman possibly manage?

Sure, in the Midbar, bnei Yisrael enjoyed the luxury of manna & the Cloud Pillar (which did the laundry), but women still faced other demands.

And can you imagine being such an object of rejection that it becomes your name?

You know how people sarcastically say, “If you look up _____ in the dictionary, you’ll find my name under the definition”?

Well, for Miriam, it was literally true! Azuvah. Rejected. Abandoned. Unwanted.

Yet one man rose to the occasion: Kalev ben Yefuneh.

Yes, Kalev again. The famously positive & emunah-filled spy.

​Kalev married Miriam solely for her holy personality.

And because he married l’Shem Shamayim (for the sake of Heaven, for the purest motives), Kalev earned unique merits; Hashem rewarded him richly.

After marriage, Miriam’s appearance transformed into the opposite of what it had been.

Thus, she became known by new names:

• Vardon (a type of rose)—because she developed a beautiful rose-like appearance

• Na’arah (young woman)—because she became healthy & beautiful like the ideal young woman.

While her initial state of extended singlehood may not have seemed fair (after all, she was a savior of Am Yisrael—and saved Am Yisrael more than once!), it was her flaws that launched her into a marriage with one of the best men of the Nation.