You Can Stop Reading Nesivos Shalom Forever After One Sentence

The first sentence of the topic in extra-halachic works often discloses their underlying assumptions.

Here is the first sentence of the first chapter in Nesivos Shalom discussing Bein Hametzarim:

חז”ל אמרו שואלין ודורשין בהלכות המועד, ונכלל בזה שבכל זמן מיוחד אצל יהודים צריך ללמוד ולהתעמק מה משמעותו והנצחיות שבו.

This is a statement of fact. And you can find many similar ones in this genre. And it is factually incorrect. When Chazal said שואלין ודורשין בהלכות המועד, they meant what they said, and they said what they meant. “Halachos” means laws and nothing but laws.

Everything wrong with these extra-Jewish systems (Maharal, Chovos Halevavos, Chassidus) is subsumed in this one embarrassing sentence.

So, How Is Married Life Treating You (Matza O Motzeh)?

The Gemara records the above question was asked of fresh grooms in Eretz Yisrael.

Brachos 8a:

במערבא כי נסיב אינש אתתא אמרי ליה הכי: מצא או מוצא? מצא, דכתיב מצא אשה מצא טוב ויפק רצון מה’. מוצא, דכתיב ומוצא אני מר ממות את האשה וגו’.

So now some people whose speech might anyway not be as delicate as it should be on that occasion, have undertaken to restore the holy “Minhag Eretz Yisrael“, so to speak. Not “Lishmor Chukav”, or “Makel No’am“, or a three-year Torah reading cycle, or the Nusach of Shmoneh Esrei (literally 18 blessings), or… but just this. (Yes, sarcasm.)

I witnessed this question asked of a certain young man, who deemed it impolite (or maybe he hadn’t made his mind up yet, eh?): Matza O Motzeh?

He was silent.

When pressed, the Chasan cleverly remarked the Gemara mentions those doing the asking but says nothing about anyone providing answers.

Besides, the term employed is not “Sha’alin”, or “asked“, but “Amri“, which generally means “said“. Perhaps this is some sort of marriage advice, not a question (I mean, what about Avak Lashon Hara? And מי שלקח מקח רע מן השוק ישבחנו בעיניו או יגננו בעיניו, הוי אומר ישבחנו בעיניו? And Feminism? Uh, scratch out the last one!).