In Praise of the Takanah Wedding
Parshas Ki Seitzei
Posted on August 23, 2018 (5778) By Rabbi Yitzchok Adlerstein | Series: Machshava | Level: Advanced
When a man marries a new wife…he shall be free for his home for one year, and he shall gladden his wife whom he has married. One shall not take a lower or upper millstone as a pledge, for we would be taking a life as a pledge.[2]
The juxtaposition is puzzling. What does the taking of a millstone as a pledge for a loan have to do with getting married? What the Torah may be doing, I believe, is addressing a problem that I see all around me: overspending on lavish wedding celebrations. People spend wildly on fine foods and delicacies, without regard to the impact of their excess. As a result, they find themselves unable to later support their families, and must throw themselves upon the public for support.
This is preposterous. People should gladden the hearts of their new wives; the wedding should be a festive occasion. But it should not come at the cost of someone sacrificing his financial stability, like the debtor forced to hand over his millstone to secure a loan, which prevents him from earning the money he needs to pay back the loan and to support himself. By spending on a lavish wedding, the groom does the same – he sacrifices his financial future. It is as if he took his very life as a pledge.