A Chazon Ish Family Living In Eretz Yisrael

Stepping Stones

Bracha Toporowitch CHT, Zichron Yaakov

In my professional practice of Mind-Body Healing, I often tell people that difficulties can be looked at as stones. It is up to them to decide if they view these stones as stumbling blocks or stepping stones. Aside from the “sunny side” of living in Eretz Yisroel, my own experiences here included such challenges – stumbling blocks that were really stepping stones – as well.

My husband is Israeli, but we met in America and settled in Lakewood. Although I was never exposed to life in Eretz Yisroel, nor had any of my own close family members living there, I knew I wanted to live there. As a Jew, being drawn to Eretz Yisroel was just an integral part of my neshamah. When we already had four children, I told my husband that if we wouldn’t make the move now, we would never. So on Zos Chanukah 1970 we moved to Bnei Brak.

We lived there with our four little children in a third-floor apartment with no elevator. There was no home delivery back then, so there was a lot of shlepping to do. In the winter the apartment could get really cold. I had my fifth child when my oldest was all of seven years old, with none of my family around to help.

As followers of the Chazon Ish, we would not use the locally-generated electricity on Shabbos, or the water pumped on Shabbos into our pipelines. We would use kerosene lamps which would sometimes blow out before the end of Shabbos, leaving us in the dark till Motza’ei Shabbos. We didn’t have our own water tank on the roof like some others had, so I would fill the bathtub with water before Shabbos and make sure the bathroom door was locked to keep the kids out!

I remember having to manage our first Shmitta year in 1972. There was almost no produce. A truck would come, and people would come and share a sack of potatoes, some onions, and some carrots. We’d have to manage with whatever we got.

There were difficulties and challenges. There were things I had to adjust to. There were changes I had to make. Though in spite of it all, I still always just wanted to stay and live here, where áveera d’Eretz Yisrael machkim – the air (atmosphere) of Eretz Yisroel makes one wise. I believe this atmosphere greatly influenced our family’s spiritual growth. We were close to many gedolei Yisrael of the Litvish world living in Bnei Brak; my husband was a ben bayis (like a member of the family) by some of them. We were upstairs neighbors of Rav Chaim Greineman ztz”l, a nephew and adherent of the Chazon Ish ztz”l. I very often discussed issues, such as child rearing and cooking, with his wife Rabbanit Chana z”l. My children gained tremendously in their spiritual lives from growing up friends with their children.

A bit after the Yom Kippur War (1973), we ended up leaving Eretz Yisroel to England, and shortly thereafter to Monsey, where we lived for the next few years. We were destined to undergo quite a bit of moving, with all the challenges that entailed. We did return to Eretz Yisroel in 1980 and remained for ten years. Then we did another ten year stint in Monsey.

Finally, when we had our sights on moving back to Eretz Yisroel in 1999, we decided it wasn’t going to be to Bnei Brak. We were looking for a place that would be a bit more spacey and quieter. We moved to the Chareidi kehillah in Zichron Yaakov, on the northwest coast of Eretz Yisroel, where we built our own house. Like Monsey, it was in a pastoral setting, with small private houses and a lot of greenery. We were very happy with the calm and quiet atmosphere.

At the time we came we didn’t really know anyone living there. Over time I got to know the local Americans more and felt comfortable with them, and I eventually gave shiurei Torah in both Hebrew and English. Although there may always be political or hashkafic “stress” anytime and anywhere, amongst the women I didn’t feel it at all.

There was a yeshivah gedolah down the street from our house where two sons-in-law of Rav Chaim Greineman ztz”l were the roshei yeshivah. Though many mosdos were local, for Beis Yaakov high school the girls would have to travel, about a half an hour commute, to nearby Chadera. My boys went to the local yeshivah gedolah, though one did go to learn in Bnei Brak.

Living far from the center of Eretz Yisroel had its own set of challenges. I would rarely go to a wedding in Yerushalayim, as travelling with public transportation could take about 1 ½ hours in each direction. Friends coming from America would just never get out to Zichron (as Zichron Yaakov is called in short). I would travel once a week to the center where I operated a clinic, for many years in Bnei Brak, and more recently in Ramat Beit Shemesh – a two-and-a-half-hour commute by train and bus – where I would stay over for one night. B”H my therapy sessions and evening “Joy & Vitality” workshops in Beit Shemesh, Bnai Brak and Zichron were very popular. I worked to create awareness of the connection between mind and body. I wanted to make people healthy by positive thinking, talking, and emotions, utilizing the various modalities of Mind-Body Healing.

Our choice is what we do, physically, emotionally and spiritually, with the situation HaShem gives us. We can go shlepping and complaining through hard times, or we can learn to cope and become so much stronger. Being spoiled will just be to our detriment. This applies to everything in life, including the challenges of living in Eretz Yisroel – the place where we all belong.

Sparks of Radiance

My most recent book, “Sparks of Radiance” (Mosaica Press 2020), includes a fictionalized account of a terror bombing attack. I wrote it to help people understand the mindset of victims of terror, and how steadfast faith and an intense desire to create kiddush HaShem turn these darkest moments – which have effects for years and years – into brilliant radiance.

My daughter, her husband and three little children were on the Egged #2 bus bombing seventeen years ago; my 3-year-old granddaughter was killed, Hy”d, and all others were injured. There were a lot of interviews in the media. I remember saying to one reporter, “People are afraid there’s no peace here in Israel, but it’s we who have to make peace. Peace will come when we make peace with each other.”

It doesn’t matter where you live, for you are not necessarily safe in any place on earth. The recent Covid-19 virus proves this. Therefore, I believe that lack of safety is not a valid reason for not living here. No one can escape what HaShem plans for him. Let us realize that we all belong here and make the best of it. With a positive mindset we can turn our greatest stumbling blocks into powerful stepping stones of elevation.

How To ‘Recharge Your Batteries’

In the previous two blogs, we have looked at long-term burnout, and how to evaluate whether this requires a career change.

In this blog, we look at how to prevent and to cure short-term burn-out.

A. AVOIDING BURN-OUT

Keep on Growing

If you don’t feel that you are growing, professionally and personally, you will not be able sustain enthusiasm and motivation for the job. Really, all the points below amount to this idea.

1. Learn Five Minutes for Yourself

Learn something you love at least 5 minutes a day early morning and again at night no matter what. This time must be guilt-free. (I should be learning Gemorrah, halacha, etc.) Even if you are yotzei your chiyuv of “Vehagisa bo yomam valaila” by giving a shiur or preparing for one, there is nothing like the unadulterated joy of learning, just for yourself. You may be so tired that you can’t concentrate on Gemorrah, have no cheishek for Mishnayos, etc. Find something that turns you on, that generally comes in small bites and that you can handle at this time. You would be amazed how much you can get through with five minutes a night. The satisfaction will give you a much better feeling when you drop into bed. Some of the texts which you could use are the Chofetz Chaim, the Sefer HaChinuch, Avos, or a few pesukim of the Parsha with the pirush of the Seforno. Sign up to an English “halacha a day” thing, or listen to podcast on a Gemorrah you are already familiar with.

2. Setting and Attaining Realistic Personal Goals

If you don’t have goals, you can’t measure your progress, and that leads to feeling blah. On the other hand, working towards and attaining realistic goals gives one a sense of growth and fulfillment.

3. Every Night Ask Yourself What You Learned that Day

It may take a few minutes of reflection, but you will always find some new insight, skill, approach or mistake to be avoided.

4. Read at Least Two Books a Year

Books on management, books on actualizing yourself and on mindfulness, books on educational philosophy and methodology (or whatever is your expertise).

My bathroom reading is generally articles and studies that impact my work: Studies about millennials, about management and leadership, about how people organize themselves, as well as general articles about science, psychology and other areas.

 5. Mentors & Role Models

Mentors are not the same as role models. Mentors are people you are close with; role models do not have to be. We are also not talking about your rabbi or rebbetzin or mashpiah here. Rather, we are talking about career mentors, someone who can guide you through staff problems, politics, strategy, etc.

The ideal mentor is a legacy mentor, someone who is interested in helping you achieve your legacy in life and sees your professional development as just one part of that.

6. Balance

There is balance within work and balance between work and other things. (See last week’s blog.) Maintaining balance is very challenging because, every time one wants to do something, one is always making a choice not to do something else. Hence, you never just get into balance. It is an ongoing process of constant recalibration, with different emphases at different times. Moreover, there isn’t a sweet spot. It is not realistic to be satisfied all of the time. Most of the time is more realistic.

7. Professional Development Seminars

In Israel and America (the countries I am familiar with), most professions require a certain amount of professional development per year to keep your professional license. I would love to see the same in the nonprofit world. Certainly motivational and professional seminars and courses exist aplenty, including the excellent range of Harvard Business School seminars for nonprofits. (I know several people who did these courses and felt transformed by them.)

B. CURING BURN-OUT

There is a huge difference between the way one deals with short-term as opposed to longer-term burnout. We will deal with short-term burnout here, and follow up with a separate blog on long-term burnout. Finally, we will deal with care of self, or how to avoid burnout to begin with.

1. Treat Yourself – Be Kind to Yourself

  • Leave work early and don’t feel guilty about it.
  • Go out in the middle of the day and catch up on your e-mails in a coffee shop.
  • Treat yourself to your favorite milkshake after doing something particularly odious.
  • Ask for help when you are feeling overwhelmed.
  • Share your feelings with a trusted colleague.

2. Take an Emergency Vacation

Take it When You Need It:  You cannot schedule burn-out. And when you are burned-out, you cannot wait for scheduled summer vacations. Nor can you wait for a good time to take a vacation. There is never a good time to take a vacation. Therefore, it’s up to you to decide if this is an emergency.

Get Rid of Guilt: You should never feel stuck – that you desperately need a vacation but cannot afford to take it because the organization needs you. You would be amazed how well people will do without your “indispensible” presence.

In addition, you may get burned out only a few months after your last vacation. You cannot pre-determine the frequency of your burn-out. I have sometimes gone years without vacation, and then required several vacations in a single year.

However, if you find you need these breaks more than three or four times a year then you are in an unhealthy work environment, even by kiruv standards.

Continue reading…

TV Producers Are Just Legal DRUG PUSHERS

“I ate breakfast last week with the president of a network news division and he told me that during non-election years, 70% of the advertising revenues for his news division come from pharmaceutical ads. And if you go on TV any night and watch the network news, you’ll see they become just a vehicle for selling pharmaceuticals. He also told me that he would fire a host who brought onto his station a guest who lost him a pharmaceutical account.”

Robert F. Kennedy, in a 2015 interview with Jesse Ventura

The Gerrer Imrei Emes’ Letter About Rabbi Kook

I searched for the original, unabridged version (abbridged\shushed by both sides for obvious reasons) for a long time…

Download (PDF, 1.1MB)

What we learn:

  1. His interesting opinion of Rabbi A. Y. Kook…
  2. How he saw the Agudah, and explaining the Belzer opposition, such as it was (similar to Rabbi Chaim of Brisk here).
  3. Rabbi Kook is quoted saying he is neither Zionist nor Mizrachi. (Me, too. Strictly speaking, I’m anti-anti-Zionist. אכמ”ל.)
  4. The author all-too-briefly elucidates the ויגזול את החנית strategy of Yerushalmi rabbis versus the hot-heads — still intact today. I explain more here.