Politicians Should Wear Sponsor Jackets Like NASCAR Drivers, Then We Know Who Owns Them

Excited Lobbyists Line Up Outside Capitol For Doorbuster Deals On Congressmen

 

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Eager to join in on low Black Friday prices, excited lobbyists were seen lining up outside the U.S. Capitol to get early bird deals on all congressmen.

In order to create buzz and draw in more potential customers, Congress announced special Black Friday prices on all its members, causing crowds of lobbyists to arrive early to score killer deals on their favorite items.

“You have to bribe early to get the best prices,” said Fred Drummond, a lobbyist for several large pharmaceutical companies. “Last year, we were able to land a dozen representatives and four senators on great deals. Ever since Congress started running these Black Friday specials, our lobbying dollars have gone a lot further. Never before have we been able to influence so much legislation in our favor. If you’re looking to buy off some lawmakers, you can’t beat Black Friday.”

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