Hyehudi Supports Russia!

Let me be clear: I am rooting for Russia in the current knife-sharpening between the US and Russian governments.

Here’s a fun excerpt from their battle of words:

The Civic Chamber of the Russian Federation recently announced a proposal to build a memorial commemorating the genocide of American Indians in front of the American Embassy in Moscow.

Civic Chamber member Valery Korovin told the Observer, “This monument must become the silent reproach of the modern American elites which had significantly deviated from the idealistic principles that were laid into the foundation of the American state.”

Vladimir Larin, a video blogger in Moscow, and a handful of friends got the idea for the memorial after learning of the Ukraine famine memorial unveiled in Washington D.C. last year. The 1932-33 famine, known by Ukrainians as Holodomor or “death by hunger,” came about, many historians say, when Russian dictator Joseph Stalin deliberately starved them in reprisal for their resistance to Soviet collectivism policies.

Russia is not the closest contender for vicious world empire; the USG is. If\When that changes, I’ll happily support the next empire’s enemies as well.

העתקתי עבורכם את החו”ב…

אחד הקוראים ביקש להעתיק עבורו את החו”ב שצויין כאן כדוגמא לדרך קריאה מתונה בדברי חז”ל.

משנה ב”ק דף צ’ א’ – צ’ ב’:

התוקע לחבירו נותן לו סלע רבי יהודה אומר משום ר’ יוסי הגלילי מנה סטרו נותן לו מאתים זוז לאחר ידו נותן לו ארבע מאות זוז צרם באזנו תלש בשערו רקק והגיע בו רוקו העביר טליתו ממנו פרע ראש האשה בשוק נותן לו ארבע מאות זוז…

חו”ב צ’ א’:

תלש בשערו, לשון זה משמע דאפי’ לא נתלשו שערות, מדלא קתני תלש משערו, אבל לעומת זה הו”ל למיתני משכו בשערו דתלש משמע שנתלש, ואפשר דצריך שימשוך בכח שיש בו כדי תלישה ובין נתלש ובין לא נתלש, ועי’ טוח”מ סי’ תכ”ד, וצ”ע.

טור חו”מ סימן תכ”ד:

שאלה לרב חנינא גאון האיש שרב עם אשתו ואחז בשערה ונשמט משערה בידו אם יש לה קנס וכמה נקנסהו. תשובה הכין חזינא לנא קנס זה ושיעורו כמו שאומרים תלש בשערו נותן לו ת’ זוז וא”ת לענין אחרים אבל זאת אשתו אעפ”כ אין לו רשות לביישה ולא לחבול בה. אבל היום אין דנין דיני קנסות ולא מגבינן אותו וכן בושת נמי אין מגבין אבל אם קדם ותפש אין מוציאין מידו…

ע”כ.

אגב, יש לעשות שיר מהחו”ב הנ”ל…

20 Ways Jews Use Pens

Observing some Yeshiva students lately, I realized that they were teaching me more than I could hope to ever teach them. I refer, of course, to the multifarious uses of the humble pen. I lovingly dedicate this post to them.

I mean, what is a pen for anyway? Certainly not for writing; there are manifold digital gadgets for that. So here are twenty practical uses of this obsolescent object.

  1. Nudge or poke your Chavrusa, or study partner, when you decide he isn’t paying you enough attention. Be mindful of whichever side you choose to use.
  2. Mix someone else’s coffee, tea and/or soup. Use blue for Milchigs and red for Fleishigs, or be careful about “Ben Yomo”!
  3. Toy with it, juggle it, flip it between your fingers, roll it over your hand (this demands practice, so get started now), spin it on the table like a Dreidel, etc. Whatever your Rebbe says, it’s great Occupational Therapy.
  4. Use it as a ruler to create straight lines in your Gemara (assuming you can find a suitable purpose-built handheld ink-dispensing implement to draw those lines in the first place…).
  5. Use it to weigh down your shirt’s front pocket. Add additional pen and paper if needed. If you leave it open when doing so, you will get a nice and blotchy design to liven up your white shirt (the tint depends on the ink within the pen).
  6. Throw the pen at someone to get their attention. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you: You may not use a Torah book (Sefer) to protect yourself from Blowback (retaliation).
  7. Use it to drum on the Lectern (Shtender) / table. This may require two pens for optimal effect. Ignore any protests of so-called “Sound Pollution”.
  8. Fool around with the enigmatic inner workings, taking matters as far as possible without getting all covered in ink.
  9. Suck on it (Notice: This use is especially intended for toddlers. Yes, they tend to employ the open tip, but apparently their inscrutable diet demands some nutrient found in the ink). This has many therapeutic and psychological benefits for all ages (similar to nursing, pacifiers, smoking, etc.).
  10. Use as a temporary bookmark. Cap it first. Does it ruin the book’s binding?
  11. On Erev Shabbos, place strategically in a location inconvenient for someone other than yourself. Check the relevant laws of Muktzeh.
  12. Play with as imaginary superhero figurine.
  13. Ponder why your beloved soul mate – the pen, is not considered a Tashmish Mitzvah. Refer to #9 for appropriate activity while doing so.
  14. Attempt to pronounce the pen’s company name. Next pronounce it backwards. This gets boring fast.
  15. Take a full inventory of the pen’s components, while tackling the “Problem of Classification”, see here.
  16. Masterfully roll it down the table (not on the ‘Sefer’). The cap may have to be removed first.
  17. Conceive of brilliantly improved industrial design, and imagine how you receive your first registered patent.
  18. Carefully open an envelope (that’s right, snail mail) – assuming you even get any.
  19. Poke around fifty tiny holes in your [dark colored] pants without creating a tattoo on your leg.
  20. Instead of constantly using your fingers to write words, try to type by using a pen to stab at the computer keys. It definitely improves your motor skills. Or maybe not.

One tiny comment: What about using the pen to write?

You know. Words?

Disclaimer: This post is categorized as “Humor”. Always read the disclaimer first!

Have something to say? Write to Avraham Rivkas: CommentTorah@gmail.com

How to Add Personal Prayer in Shmoneh Esrei

Mishna Berurah 122:8:

… כתב הח”א נכון וראוי לכל אדם להתפלל בכל יום ביחוד על צרכיו ופרנסתו ושלא ימוש התורה מפיו וזרעו וזרע זרעו ושיהיו כל יוצאי חלציו עובדי ה’ באמת ושלא ימצא ח”ו פסול בזרעו וכל מה שיודע בלבו שצריך לו ואם אינו יודע לדבר צחות בלשון הקודש יאמרנה אף בלשון אשכנז רק שיהיה מקירות לבו.

וטוב יותר לקבוע תפלות על כל הענינים הצריכים לו אחר שסיים כל הי”ח מלקבעם בברכת שומע תפלה כדי שכשיצטרך לענות קדיש או קדושה יהיה יוכל לענות אחר אמירתו יהיו לרצון לכו”ע.

The Chazon Ish O.C. Chap. 39 (end) disagrees with the concern for Kaddish and Kedusha since you’re “Osek bemitzvah” already *.

Chayei Adam 24:26-27 endorses saying the verse of “Yeheyu leratzon” twice, starting personal prayers after the first time, and then keeping an ear open so you can say it if the Chazan approaches K/K and cease being “Omed lifnei hamelech”. With all of my great respect, Halacha should not be that complicated!

Also, why save everything for Shome’ah Tefillah, as opposed to the specific Brachos? Because the Chayei Adam (24:19) thinks it likely one will come to add additional requests not related to the Bracha at hand.

Me, what do I know? But Jews did manage fine with that problem for quite a few years…

By the way, maybe the MB omits “ושיהיו כל יוצאי חלציו עובדי ה’ באמת” since it didn’t fit the time period.

* A friend says that’s the exact spot that finally convinced him into being a Chazon Ish student.