Davening at Gravesites
(See dedication opportunities for the new book below.)
The gemara[1] relates that Reish Lakish would mark the boundaries of where the Rabbis were buried. The simple meaning, Rashi explains,[2] is so that Kohanim would not inadvertently walk over them, thereby contracting tumah. In this way the righteous wouldn’t be a cause of harm to others. This seems abstruse since for Kohanim any grave would be a problem, not just that of tzadikim. Consequently, R’ Yaakov Emden[3] explains that Reish Lakish identified those graves so that people who wanted to daven by the graves of tzadikim would know where to find them.[4]
We find this idea in connection with Kalev. To be saved from being persuaded by the atzas meraglim, designs of the meraglim, Kalev davened over the kivrei avos, graves of the patriarchs.[5] Indeed, the Baal Haturim points out that the end letters of the words said in connection with the meraglim, Chamas va’yaalu ba’negev va’yavo,[6] they ascended in the south and he arrived at Chevron, spell avos.[7]
The gemara[8] says that one reason for going to a cemetery[9] is so that the deceased who are buried there should beg for mercy on our behalf. This cannot mean that we are allowed to daven to the dead to ask them to help us as that is forbidden because of lo yihyeh lecha, you shall not recognize the gods of others in My presence[10] and maybe also because of v’doreish el ha’meisim, one who consults the dead.[11]
So what does it mean? Some[12] hold it means that it is permitted to speak directly to the deceased, requesting them to daven to Hashem on our behalf. This practice draws a parallel to the tefillos we find that are directed towards malachim, who are merely Hashem’s messengers and lack independent agency. Consequently, it is permitted to address the dead directly and ask them to intervene on our behalf.
Conversely, others[13] disagree and say that addressing a deceased person is a violation of v’doreish el ha’meisim. “Asking the dead to pray for mercy on our behalf” means davening directly to Hashem beseeching Him to extend His mercy in the merit of the deceased. Visiting the graves serves as a reminder to Hashem of the merits of the tzadikim who are buried there.
The majority of the classical authorities, including the Be’er Heitev, Chayei Adam, Mateh Efraim and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, rule in accordance with the second view. The Mishna Brura[14] explicates that we visit graves because a cemetery housing the remains of tzadikim is a place where tefillos are more readily answered. However, a person shouldn’t put his trust in the deceased. Instead, he should just ask Hashem to have mercy on him in the merit of the tzadikim who are interred there.
Other poskim maintain that to talk to the deceased [or to malachim] to intercede on our behalf is permissible. The Minchas Elazar[15] proves from a host of sources throughout the gemara and Zohar that not only is this permitted but it is a mitzvah to do so. In line with the more lenient perspectives, the extent of permissible action is limited to asking them to act as our emissaries before Hashem, so that Hashem will look favorably and mercifully upon us.
[3] Interestingly, R’ Yaakov Emden had 20 children from three wives. However, sadly, 16 of his children predeceased him.
[4] The Sefer Chassidim (710) tells us that the deceased get pleasure when their loved ones go to their grave and they request…
[5] Bamidbar 13:22, Rashi, Sota 34b. See Zohar, Acharei Mos 70b-71b.
[7] A student in the Kol Torah Yeshiva in Yerushalayim approached his Rosh Yeshiva, R’ Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, and asked him if he may leave his Torah studies in the Yeshiva to travel to the North in order to daven at the graves of tzadikim in the Galil. R’ Auerbach answered, “It is better to stay in Yeshiva and study Torah.” The student asked further, “Isn’t there a time I could go to visit the graves of tzadikim?” R’ Auerbach answered, “In order to daven at the graves of tzadikim, one doesn’t have to travel up to the Galil. Whenever I feel the need to daven at the graves of tzadikim, I go to Mount Herzl (the national cemetery for fallen IDF soldiers in Yerushalayim), to the graves of the soldiers…who fell Al Kidush Hashem.” (Oro Shel Olam, p. 380)
[9] In that gemara it is speaking of going on certain fast days which was customary back then.
[10] Shemos 20:3. See Gesher Hachaim 2:26.
[11] Devarim 18:11. See Eliyahu Rabbah 581:4.
[12] See the Shela quoted by Elef Hamagen 581:113, Pri Megadim, Orach Chaim 581:16 and Maharam Shick, Orach Chaim 293.
[13] See the Bach and Shach, Yoreh Deah 179:15. See also Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim 5:43-6.
[14] 581:27. Also Be’er Heitev, Orach Chaim 581:17.
[15] 1:68. See also the Gesher Hachaim 2:26 and Minchas Yitzchak 8:53.
An upcoming book about Death and the Afterlife:
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May we merit to reveal Hashem and His Torah!
All the best,
Yehoshua Alt
