Rabbinate ‘Kashrut’ Satire

 “I haven’t relaxed my standards: I still check that the money has been deposited in my bank before I sign the new certificate.”

Jerusalem, September 9 – Members of the capital city’s official religious establishment voiced relief today, following months of economic instability, that they have found their task of failing to visit the culinary establishments with whom they have contracted to certify as following Jewish dietary law unimpeded despite the ravages of the coronavirus pandemic.

Jerusalem Rabbinate personnel in the kashrut division told reporters Wednesday that the lockown and social distancing measures in place to prevent or slow the spread of COVID-19, including various restrictions on the restaurants and prepared-food establishments under their supervision, have not prevented them from adhering to their routine of not conducting the on-site inspections their agreements require them to perform, and in fact, reported several such inspectors, the limited operations of numerous such establishments under the current regulations have allowed the supervisors to add even more restaurants and fast-food vendors to the roster of places they neglect to visit in any effective manner.

The mashgichim, Hebrew for overseers, carry exclusive legal authority to determine whether a food establishment may declare itself kosher, under a law that empowers them to enforce that aspect of consumer protection from fraud. Such arrangements typically specify an expected minimum number of visits by the mashgiach in a given period, and include payment by the establishment of a monthly salary to the inspector – regardless of whether he shows up, or how often. Ministry of Health regulations aimed at impeding the spread of the coronavirus pathogen caused many mashgichim to fear for the integrity of their not-conducting-inspection schedules, explained one enthusiastic Rabbinate mashgiach, but in the end enough food businesses under their jurisdiction have survived, allowing the inspectors to continue drawing those salaries.

“It’s been a lifeline during this uncertain time,” admitted Rabbi Niggud Inyanim. “My chief concern was that the various restrictions affecting my neighborhood would mean I couldn’t keep to my routine of not inspecting the dozens of establishments on my list, and then just mailing them their certificate when the three-month inspection period renewed. I’m proud to say that I haven’t relaxed my standards even a little: I still check carefully that the money has been deposited in my bank before I even consider signing, stamping, and sending the new certificate in the name of the Chief Rabbis of the city. Sometimes I even check more than once, just to be sure.”

A colleague of his, who declined to be identified for this article, expressed sentiments that others interviewed also acknowledged: concern that if and when the ministry lifts restrictions, the inspectors will be expected to make actual appearances at the venues they supervise.